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Before we get to today’s article, I just want to mention that am writing from the perspective of a man that has experienced many of the challenges of which I write…. and those spiritual battles continue daily. The articles are implications of what it means to obey the commandment to raise your children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. They require some reflection and are particularly for Christians who, as Peter would say, are diligently seeking to confirm their calling and are making every effort to supplement their faith. Said more succinctly, serious Christians. If you know other believers who desire to walk more faithfully with the Lord, please forward an article to them and tell them to sign up for future articles. Thanks so much!

It just happened again- a man has died and left his wife scrambling to find out if she has enough money to live on. In addition to the grieving that she is experiencing, she will now have the added load of stress and anxiety as she waits on others to help her figure it all out. Why doesn’t she know? She always left that part of their lives to her husband. Maybe she’ll be fine, maybe she won’t. So, death is the first of four “D” words that create very difficult financial situations. 

The second “D” is divorce. In a way, divorces have often been described as a type of death. The marriage dies and the family is in tatters. We all know people that have gone through this, some with 4, 5, or 6 kids, and assuming the mom is going to get primary custody of the children, our thoughts immediately go to the question of finances. What will she get from the divorce? Will she have to leave or sell the family home? Can she and the kids survive financially? Does she even know what her husband was doing with their money? Well, that’s two Ds- death and divorce, but there are two more.

What happens when the bread winner of the home becomes disabled? Disability is the third “D”. That person has not left the home through a divorce or death situation, but their income is just a as much gone as the first two scenarios. This occurrence is the one that is usually not thought about or planned for by either husband or wife.

And then, the fourth D- Deficits. Unlike the sudden blow that can come from death, divorce, or disability, this “D” is the one that can run stealthily below the surface in a marriage for a long period of time, methodically eating away at the marriage relationship before it surfaces and attacks when the household finances have reached a critically bad level. Historically, what has been found to be the number one topic of arguments between married couples? Answer: money.  Money both infects and affects so many things in our lives and the Bible has much to say about it. 

I personally experienced a level of this particular “D” (deficits) many years ago when I borrowed hundreds of thousands of dollars to start a new business. I’m not sure I had my wife’s total buy in on the business idea and as the business was trending towards failure, I probably wasn’t clear enough in communicating to her the fleeting chances for success. As we sank deeper into debt, she was forced to surrender her primary role as a stay at home mom and go back to work. This placed a tremendous strain on our marriage, one that we probably wouldn’t have survived had not the Lord broke into each of our hearts and made us His own.

So, why is it that it is so common that wives know little about the family finances? I’m going to suggest a few possible reasons:

  • Some women may feel intimidated by the topic or feel that are not capable of understanding financial matters. However, I believe that anyone can have a basic understanding of the world of finances given the opportunity. 
  • Some might say they are submitting to their husband’s wishes. I am all for Biblical submission, but I believe that an important discussion must take place that falls under the heading of loving your wife (see reasons below).
  • Some are trusting their husband. I would not suggest that you don’t trust your husband but trusting him is not the issue. The issue is whether or not it is Biblical for the wife to be informed and involved in your family’s finances. 
  • Some have impatient husbands, so they feel like they might irritate their husbands if they don’t quickly understand financial matters or may be concerned their questions may be “dumb questions.” In that case, I would have to challenge husbands to show great patience and humility and to love your wife as Christ loved the church by taking the time to have regular discussions and updates about your finances. 

Biblical Principles That Apply To This Matter. 

  • Genesis 2 tells us that it was God’s intention to give the man a helper and that they would be one flesh. This includes how married couples view their responsibilities concerning money. Husbands need their wives to weigh in on important financial decisions for the family. As his helper, she can bring an important different perspective that adds balance to financial decisions. This does not mean that she has to be consulted about the smaller, everyday decisions, nor does it mean that the husband should be in lordship over her every purchase. But in the bigger picture things such as a setting goals and making larger decisions that may have a significant impact on the family, those decisions should be made jointly.
  • Every aspect of money and finances has a Biblical component, so we need to see this as part of our walk with the Lord. The term that the Bible uses is stewardship. That is, we are just managers of everything we have because it all belongs to the Lord. Which also means…
  • You and your spouse will give an account to the Lord for your joint stewardship. It would be wise to read Matthew 25:14-30 in order to feel the weight of the Lord’s view on stewardship.
  • Parents who are faithfully or unfaithfully stewarding the Lord’s money will not be the only ones affected by those outcomes. Think of the effect on the children when families find themselves in this kind of financial chaos. When their home is being rocked by the implications of poor stewardship, the children are also rocked. 
  • Going back to Ephesians 6:4 once again, both mom and dad need to teach their children how to think about and handle money in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. This happens daily as they see you respond to opportunity after opportunity to either spend foolishly or wisely. Be assured that your children are already being taught by the world through the media and their friends, so your work will be cut out for you.

Consider Taking These Steps

  • Have an attorney write up a will written for you and your spouse. If you presently have few assets and your financial situation is not complicated, it may cost about $300 to get it done. You can even get a simple will done using an online service. If a spouse dies without a will, the state of Georgia gets involved and makes final decisions about who gets what and on top of that, it may take 12-18 months to finish the process.
  • Begin an outline of how you see your retirement. This may seem foolish if you are in your twenties, but it is still a valuable discussion to begin to align your joint point of view and eventual goals that need to be set. If at all possible, open an IRA account. IRAs are one of the greatest opportunities for families to get an early start on saving for the later years.
  • Get a subscription to the Wall Street Journal and begin to learn about the economy, investing, the world, and the workplace.
  • Passwords- Husbands need to make sure that their wife has all of the passwords to any financial account. A good idea is keeping them all in a shared password manager software such as LastPass.
  • Husbands need to help their wives understand and have a basic knowledge of stocks, bonds, dividends, or whatever you are invested in.
  • Both husband and wife need to spend whatever time is necessary to discuss and agree on a unified strategy for their stewardship. Where to invest? What to invest? When to invest? 
  • Insurance is a big part of wise stewardship. Unfortunately, most people hate to talk about it. Life insurance for both husband and wife, disability insurance, homeowner insurance, and car insurance should be reviewed by both spouses. If you have never taken the time to do this, you might be surprised to learn things like you have no coverage for mold in your home, little coverage for your jewelry, no coverage on your car insurance for anything you own in your car, no earthquake coverage or flood coverage for your home, and more. 

OK, so there is a lot that has been covered here, but there is one last question: Who is going to lead the charge toward faithful joint stewardship in the marriage? And the answer is easy. Men, this is on you. God calls you to love and lead your wife. There may be a good bit of work ahead for you, but the Lord will be with you.

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Last modified: December 5, 2022

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